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me: waiting for shoe(s) to drop
Personified Alan Becker YouTube Icon: oh... buddy...
#me reassuring myself like#it's okay. look see? they can speedrun the genuine apology process too. see? yeah i know#i know#--/ art#L1_CAT#subpixels#alan becker#green influencer arc#ava influencer arc#(OHMYGO D BRIAN MADE IT??????? NO WONDER IT'S GLORIOUS?!?!?!?)#i don't think there will be- well no. that's a lie there will totally be more great works with these specific themes in the future . . .#because there will probably be these specific problems in the future. but W0w does it hit now.#not that long ago i know i was dealing with angst online. and that just. permeates everything. for *months*#what a shot to the heart !!! new weakness unlocked ! ! ! !#/pos ... yeah no it's. you know what i mean#ghhhhghh the imperfect files feeling defensive about not being included hhhhhhhhhhhhhh kindness to snarling creatures hhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!#gonna need to rewatch this a few more times. at Least. hooh#ps: i have a vivid memory of reading a fic on ao3 that emotionally compromised me and i saw in the notes that the author said...#''[please trust me. i know what im doing c: ]'' or something that that's what they meant. it was either a doctor who or a good omens one.#and i did trust them. and the story continued being amazing. and they didn't let me drown in that space i found myself in.#i feel responsible for not letting myself get too far underwater like that- and i have succeeded.#and i also trusted Them (scriptors directors animators etc etc etc). and i am. safe#it feels like there was a wound here i forgot about that is only now beginning to heal. . . ... . . . . . .#i think ill be 100% ready to laugh about it in like. a year. for now we roll catharsis gang#a year is maybe too long. you know what i mean. arbitrary time unit. laundry minutes.
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i am still not sure if my issue is 'overeating disease' or tyzzer's, but considering vaccination prevents it like 90% of the time, at least some of it is c. perfringens, but i am beginning to think there's some c. piliforme in there too, especially with this litter getting sick WEEKS after vaccination and only after changes in the weather (which stresses them out), so it's back to bug testing
#ag talk#i am going to look into sending sample to waddl to see if i can figure out exactly what it is#but i'm still not sure how that works nor what to order? can i just call and be like 'please tell me what to send you' lol#i thought vaccinating had fixed my problem so i wasn't worried about it but now im back to dealing with mysteries#online documentation isn't great as to suggestions on how to prevent it either cos it's just like#'you get this if you're nasty' and i'm not!!! my cages are clean! i don't know where i got so much bacteria in my barn!!
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TGAA doodles from a few days ago
#art#fanart#asoryuu#kazuma asogi#ryunosuke naruhodo#susato mikotoba#the great ace attorney#tgaa fanart#uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh I am not used to posting the doodles I make online. this is awkward. help#also pls don't look at the hands. I cannot draw hands. what are hands.#I might write even more tags. I am so anxious. I am not used to posting things online help the anxiety aaaaaaaaagrgehehh hghghg hhghghgh gee#I am. not gonna open tumblr for the next week. yes. that is how you deal with the Posting Things Online Anxiety#and now: screaming. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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#In two days I’ll be getting on an air plane#I don’t want to show that I am very much afraid and my stomach is turning at the notion of dealing with an airport and then actually flying#And then renting a car#I havnt been able to spend time online like I used to#Which is great don’t get me wrong lol#But I do miss scrolling tumblr looking at all the things I like 😂#I must have brain damage#Anyways…#I am missing my simple quiet life but I also need to grow#I hope I can fix my mindset to make the most out of this trip!!
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maaaaaaaaaaan. ridiculous to be calling DBD "pathetic" because it couldn't get licensing for various final girls. as if it hasn't always been because of some bullshit on the end of the copyright holders. fuck, we would have gotten more material from Hellraiser, had it not been for the copyright holders. we lost Stranger Things temporarily because of the copyright holders being out of touch with fans and greedy. Ghostface exists in the game because luckily, the character of Ghostface isn't actually owned by Big Bad Viacrap.
also like. DBD isn't Fork Knife. it's just not. and if I'm not mistaken-- it's not like Fork Knife has any horror character that DBD doesn't, apart from Eleven and Hopper. Eleven could never be in the game anyway, because any character added has to be over 18/a legal adult (for legal reasons). and we have Steve, Nancy, and Jonathan instead. It makes much more sense that they chose those characters for the game, as this followed S2, which made Steve one of the most popular characters from the show. so much so that he can even contend with Eleven in popularity.
and let's not downplay the fact that DBD does have other, very, very impressive licenses in it. such as Silent Hill. that was the first big thing Konami let happen with the ip in YEARS. Resident Evil was...HUGE. Wesker's chapter brought in an unprecedented number of players and anyone who played survivor at that time knows that for WEEKS, all you would get was Wesker after Wesker. We have Chucky and Tiffany, voiced by their original VAs. Sadako from the original Japanese Ringu, not the American version of the same concept! You can play as the Xenomorph, and the Xenomorph Queen! Vecna, from D&D is a killer, and he is voiced by Mr. Matt Mercer! We have Ash Williams, Alan Wake, Leon. S. Kennedy, Cheryl Mason, and very soon Lara Croft! and then After her-- we are getting Castlevania!! So there is no shortage of incredible of characters from horror that are in this game, and it's disrespectful to act like the people who work on this game don't care enough about it to try their fucking hardest to give fans the best possible licensed chapter dlcs they can. it's not their fault if the copyright holders want something different.
Besides, I think it's gross to suggest that DBD doesn't have a claim to the title of "Horror Hall of Fame" just because it doesn't have specific licensed characters in it. what about all the amazing original characters that the game has? do those suddenly not count, just because they do not include super well-known characters from popular old horror movies? A lot of these popular old horror movies don't include/don't give much of a spotlight to people of colour, so the original chapters often give the devs the room to add diversity to DBD's cast of characters, whereas a license might have otherwise not allowed it. and many of these original characters even have nods to existing horror media, like the End Transmission chapter drawing inspiration from both the horror-survival game SOMA, and the sci-fi horror movie/comic book Virus. Does the hard work that the many talented members of the DBD team put into making this original chapter, among many others, mean nothing, just because Sidney Prescott or Sally Hardesty aren't in the fucking game? I should hope the fuck not.
#dbd#thoughts about media#I just wanted to see if there were any updates about the timeline for the cosmetic contest!#or if there was going to be an extension for the anniversary event!#but I was tempted with the “this post is from an account you blocked”#normally I wouldn't click this. but it's DBD. and well I was curious who it could have been from.#hilariously enough this person wasn't blocked for previous bad takes about the game.#I'm pretty sure this is the same person who made an awful ST tweet and then rescinded it upon being corrected.#like...this opinion about DBD isn't necessarily like...uncommon or unbelievably evil or something.#a lot of people don't know the trials and tribulations the team has to deal with when trying to secure copyrights.#but it also isn't hard to infer??? that securing a license isn't necessarily easy??#the issues with the Hellraiser and Stranger Things licences were fairly public. I thought that would have clued people in.#Mr. Cote even spoke on multiple occasions about how badly he wanted ST back but it was Netflix that wouldn't budge.#also Ghostface being owned by Funworld and not Paramount has been repeated ad nauseam by now.#it. just.... it wouldn't KILL people to do a little research before posting terrible opinions online.#but honestly what annoys me most of all about this is that it tries to undercut all the other great things about DBD.#there are so many awesome characters in it-- both licensed and original.#why the FUCK would you try to downplay that just because your favourite final girl isn't in the game?#who gives a fuck. we have plenty of other super awesome women in the game. get over yourself.
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I love listening to Bad, Tina, and Tubbo's rant about the purgatory event because I feel like it parallels what Charlie said day one. I don't remember word for word but he said something along the lines of, one day you'll see what this place is really taking from you maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but one day you'll see and then come and find us. Because he was right the whole time. On day one red learned what this event was it was getting your teeth kicked in no holds bar, friendships abandoned at the blink of an eye and a chance for blood shed. No one wanted to talk or negotiate day one for red so they changed. Anyone approaching is a threat to be eliminated they don't travel alone they are in constant communication because they learned the hard way how bad it can be. Red team has been willing to be whatever they had to be for the event from unhinged barking gas mask wearing murders to homeless drifters begging to spared because they have nothing. They have adapted to survive purgatory in their own way and it's working. Even if they don't really think it will.
Now I feel like blue and green are learning that in a different way by having their hard work and grinding mean absolutely nothing. They are working hard playing by the rules of purgatory, and they're losing! That's the point! This place sucks it hates you it isn't fair because it's not supposed to be. Red team is leaning on each other because it's the thing keeping them somewhat sane and alive. I personally can't wait to see Blue become more vicious and cruel because they've had two wins stolen or Green pull together to have a come back after being third twice now. They have to adapt to purgatory and when they likely will soon and when they do it will drive red to do worse and worse things to stay sane and the cycle will continue. Purgatory is about breaking you. Breaking your morals and friendships and hopes.
The rules are unfair because they want you to be unfair. Purgatory is hell and to survive it, to win it you have to be willing to be cruel or callouse or even cowardly. I entire point of the purgatory event is that everyone is supposed to come out having done something terrible, or they come out feeling like they didn't do all they could to save their children so there is no win. You either cross that line or accept that you are forfeiting your kids life. From a narrative stand point it is a great idea because it's shaking up the hornets nest and severing relationships once thought to be rock solid. *cough* Eitole, Fit, and Phil *cough* I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore I just think Purgatory was such a neat idea and makes for such an interesting rp senerio where role-playing is nearly impossible due to nature of the event.
#qsmp#like Phil has a scar now from Etoile killing him.#Cellbit killed Bagi in cold blood#tubbo genuinely trying to broker some kind of deal and getting nothing but a cold shpulder from phil#Fit literally hunting for Phil when he was the only red online!#its a mess and its great
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Ok I'm thinking about kabuto backstory again and thinking about how unfair and fucked up it all is like
> be Danzo
> threaten local orphanage mother into returning to being a spy (by threatening the kids there)
> force them to send One Kid too because he "lost a man" while obtaining the intel he's threatening her to spy over (the kid is Kabuto, who volunteered bc he overheard them threatening the mother over this) (Danzo knows he overheard)
> train kabuto to be a spy while orphanage mother is off on her long spy job as well
> bait spy mom with the promise of keeping kabuto safe to keep her agreeing to work with you
> decide they both are too good at their jobs (????) Of being spies (that work for you?????)(they've been loyal this whole time????) So they're too dangerous and both need to die
> keep mom and kid away from each other as kid grows up
> literally DOCTOR FAKE PHOTOS of the kid growing up to make it seem like he looks totally different now???? So she won't recognize him?????
> give her the assassination assignment of killing the Real Kabuto (who she won't recognize) so they'll kill each other
> whoops, Kabuto survived and killed her instead, oh well at least Orochimaru's watching him now
I'm just like. How fucked up is it to threaten these people into working as spies for you "for the good of Konoha", and then decide that these people (who have given NO INDICATION of intending to betray Konoha) are too good at being spies and thus Too Dangerous and should be killed for it. But no he can't just kill them in a normal way. He had to manufacture an entire scenario so that they'd kill EACH OTHER while making the mom not recognize him (with the express purpose of breaking the kid's spirit) like BROOOOOO I know you ordered the whole Uchiha clan to be massacred (conducting genocide for the sake of 'peace') actually now that I think about it he ordered this of itachi. Ordered him to kill his own family. Of course Danzo would get off on making a mother and son kill each other "for the good of Konoha" he's almost fucking cartoon villain level of horrible past the point of logic EXCEPT there really are people this awful that have existed. Plenty of them. And they have also justified it as being "for the good of [nation]" like that's the Thing, he's a war hungry nationalist that has decided He Knows Best so he's going to fuck up SO many people's lives, up to and including his own damn citizens!!!! And this bitch thinks he deserves to be kage?!?!?! Fucking Hiruzen letting him run wild like this. He knew Danzo was stealing children and indoctrinating them into a murder cult (where, keep in mind, he purposefully raises kids in pairs so they view each other as family AND THEN ORDERS THEM TO KILL EACH OTHER)(AGAIN!!!! with the family killing, what is his PROBLEM) but Hiruzen just let it fucking happen. Spineless fucking piece of shit. He fucked Naruto up he fucked Orochimaru up he fucked up Royally with Danzo like come ONNNNNNNNNN
Rattling the bars of my cage rn at how awful Danzo is and how he was able to just. DO THIS???? I know the bitch is dead but he's not dead enough. Give me the glock.
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#sorry im just losing my mind over this. this changes EVERYTHING with kabuto#and you know i already hated danzo so much. but i just now realized his fucking obsession with making family members kill each other#it's probably for the sake of 'killing their emotions' which he sees as necessary to become a good ninja (*cough* a good tool for the state)#im kicking danzo's head in as we speak. the skull. or whatever was left after he exploded. probably nothing much actually.#it's not good enough I NEED TO KILL HIM SO BADDDDD HE NEEDS TO BE DOUBLE DEAD TRIPLE DEAD#QUADRUPLE OR PERHAPS EVEN INFINITY DEAD.#sets up an infinite time loop of me killing Danzo just to make sure hes super super super super dead#YELLING SCREAMING I HATE DANZO SO MUCHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!#honestly as much as i loved sasuke killing danzo i wish itd happened later.#bc danzo's stinky fingers were in so many pies. he was set up as this horrible mastermind#and then he dies... what... 2/5ths into shippuden?? and what do we have now. cringefail sadboy decided to kill the world for his fantasies?#weird alien goddess?? bc all the world's struggles were clearly bc of an alien instead of any human fault???? or something?????#idk i havent gotten that far yet. but thats what ive gathered from online.#for as wonderful of characters as kishimoto writes he really isnt that great at overall plot.#compelling world. fascinating interactions. cool fights and mechanics.#unfortunately he set up a guy to be a big bad and he died before even halfway through and now we have to watch several hundred episodes#of the most Ninjas One Upping Each Other In Make Believe plotlines ever#like the 'i hit you' 'well i have a shield that blocks hits' 'well i hit you with a sword that cuts through anything'#'well i cast a spell before you hit me that makes me invulnerable to attacks' etc etc COME ON MAN it gets so BORING.#i miss the good old days of sakura fighting sasori. now shes sidelined to the medic tents bc shes a poor vulnerable medic or w/e#idk some parts of this is cool. but so much of it is unsatisfying. like the bijuu battle??? come on.#naruto making friends with kurama was great. the fight with all the jinchuuriki was pretty boring.#like come on this is supposed to be a Big Deal. aaaand what do we have now? another fucking bijuu bomb.#oh wait theyre all casting the bijuu bomb together!!! no worries naruto is making a bijuu bomb of the same exact size#so they counteract and shoot into the stratosphere and theres a Big Boom! wow! so original!#yawn. yawn especially at the madara vs kages fight. at least im enjoying the uchiha bros vs kabuto fight.
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I may be on day two of being stuck in bed thanks to some of the ✨worst back pain I've ever had in my life✨, but the neighbours are outside grilling, the window is open a bit, and it smells so fucking good. I'm not even hungry rn, but I am v much enjoying the second hand good food smells.
#text post#if im still not online much today the pain is why lmao#Housemate has been an absolute angel looking after me and helped me figure out it's nothing more serious#i just really befuckened my back 🙃#feeling a great deal better today than it did yesterday tho so I'm crossing my fingers I'll be back to normal by tomorrow#or at least as close to normal as possible lol#for today i am continuing the schedule of ibuprofen water edibles heating pad and naps on the wedge pillow#with the extra benefit of the neighbours grilling what must be something w/a nice marinade on it bc#like im not a big meat eater or bbq person at all but this smells so sweet and interesting that even im like 👀#...i might be slightly hungry actually but that's a win bc i was physically sick yesterday from this stupid knot in my back#and managed some nibbles yesterday but know i need to try and ramp that up today if possible#so grill away neighbours and help convince my stomach to nibble something later today
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If Tumblr DOES end up scraping our data for training it's irritating but at this point I'm just so tired of this shit I almost can't bring myself to care, really, which isn't helpful but what can I fucking do. I rely on social media to survive, and we keep having to move or the risk of having to move. Other sites will do it, other sites did it, and even if Tumblr decides not to sell data to midjourney and such or this is some advanced hearsay, scrapers would access our blogs anyway as they do any other site, so it feels kind of just... moot regarding training until actual regulation and legal precedents are set in place?
That being said, I wonder if it will fall through if it hasn't already with the implosion of Matt being himself and people lawyering up against him/Tumblr, and the scraping plans and data selling could very likely be a data privacy violation in at least some places
#vena vents#not art#I mean good god even twitter is using itself to train AI but it's focused on categorizing tweets and for ads#as far as I know#this is just a different beast#as great as an asset tumblr is for creativity I have to imagine decades of a chronically online mental illness site will poison the wells#which lol lmao#does this also mean they'll be given the data for all the shitloads of csem tumblr failed to deal with too? I'm sure that'll just look GREA#for them
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sometimes I wish you could post an opinion on a fandom blog without inviting a whole witch hunt or being accused of causing drama but alas
#I've not done anything and i won't do anything#it's just something that's annoying?? that you can't say anything without someone doing a bad faith interpretation of it#or projecting it on themselves or getting offended on behalf of a fictional character#the few times i saw someone actually say something slightly controversial all hell broke loose every time#like great that you're passionate but not everything is about you#not everything needs your opinion - especially if you can only give it like a lecture#not everything has malicious intentions#people disagreeing with you have a right to their opinions as well - as long as you respect theirs they should respect yours#the thing is - i don't think I've ever been in a fandom that didn't have to deal with like ship wars or someone doing hate campaigns#of a character or ship - i guess that's just the way it is??#but here it feels especially tiring because people don't usually disagree on ships#people are literally fighting and hating each other mainly over the same two characters!!! and their different interpretations of them#people disagree over what the right and moral way is to portray and ship those characters#and it creates so much tension because you can't associate with those people because they're doing it wrong#and are acting fucking awful about it#but those people are very exclusionary and if you don't agree with all of their points they don't want to talk to you either#you just float along hoping that you'll find some people who have a similar interpretation and will actually talk to you#it's so weird??? it's so isolating too??#and it feels like you entered a political landscape in your online fandom space#i will probably delete this and I'm not even sure my thoughts make sense#my thoughts spiralled a bit from thinking how some fan interpretations annoy me into disliking a character hahaha
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By the way, what character assassination were you talking about in the notes of my poll? I'm really curious
Was kind of talking around it there a bit intentionally but he really did dirty my boy Scrappy Doo : (
(Gunn wrote the live action scooby doo movies)
#leave him be hes a mildly annoying cartoon 10 year old like plsss#ppl associate his introduction w other bad decisions at the time made by writers and ppl in production. also his writing was bad and#overrelied on catchphrases and repeated actions hes actually good when hes in better written stuff#like jfc hes actually a really fun and interesting character concept just with not great execution in most of his stuff#like the sheer vitriol directed at him online and irl is insane. like the fact that theres a literal executive ban on using him in projects#is so bs especially when there are directors and movies where they genuinely want to use him (13th ghost of sd)#like hes literally not allowed to be protrayed positively you can only make quick meta jokes abt how much he sucks or not mention him at all#like give my boy a break he doesnt deserve this#anyways this links to james gunn specifically bc of his portrayal and that movie and starting the trend of bashing him but also bc it was#literally so unnecessary that gunn did that. like he hadnt been used in over a decade at that point and brought him back as a disgusting#creature just to fulfill his childhood vendetta or whatever. and 20yrs later he still cant be used bc of it#also a note to everyone: its late and i have to wake up in three hours to do shit so if anyone decides to start shit on my blog im gonna#block you. im tired and dont gaf i dont want to deal with 'jokes' rn no matter how funny you think they are 👍#not targeted at any one in particular just a general warning
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looking up/calling several dental offices to figure out who can help while in a lot of pain and running on very little sleep is a -1000/10 experience
#the list online to show which places are covered by my insurance is not as helpful as one might think it would be#the lovely combo of severe anxiety I’ve been dealing with this year + preexisting dental phobia is GREAT#god must truly hate me to do this to me this week
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The great thing about my (not tiny but not insanely high) follower count, none of which are tumblr celebrity who can curse me with notes, is generally posts won't get too many more notes than I'm expecting. I'll tag my vaguely insightful fandom takes or jokes with the fandom tags and then sure they'll get notes and occasionally even dip into the hundreds or occasionally thousands of notes. But in a mid sized fandom that just released the most recent episode that's not super surprising and it also isn't a problem bc those posts don't lend themselves to ppl getting super discoursy or mad about them
But the fun thing is. Despite the fact that I do have a decent number of followers at this point, none of them care about my untagged hottakes about "thing I saw that made me mad" of the day. They all follow me for some fandom or another that I once did a good post in and I'm probably consistently disappointing them by not posting about that fandom enough
So I can still be a hater on main bc as long as I resist the urge to maintag whatever I'm ranting about, it's gonna get at most 3 likes from a couple of mutuals.
It's disappointing occasionally bc I'll be like "this is such a hot take and I am so correct you should all reblog" but then I quickly calm down and recognise the blessing of not getting anon hate
#If I really have a hot take I want to get seen I can always say it on someone else's post lol#Great thing about that is unless ppl reblog directly from me I'm not seeing the responses#And if the post ever comes on my dash again with my addition still attached? Very fun validation of how correct and awesome I am#But yeah kids don't get too much of that validation online#There's more to life than getting ''ppl like my opinion'' points on Tumblr#Really isn't even close to someone irl telling you they like your acting#Or thanking you for solving the hard question on the exercise sheet#(should I probably be generally a little less desperate for others' approval? Sure)#(but there aren't enough therapy spots in this country and I don't need it enough to take one of them so we'll just deal)
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yeah this is so over
#twitter/super online people acting like this didn’t seal the deal#my great aunt and my uncle both called my grandparents separately middle america has fucking decided lol#dear diary
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